Monday, May 2, 2016

Phoenix (Bellator Saga #4) by Cecilia London



Goodreads Review
 
 
 
 
 
 
One epic love. Two wounded souls. Three impossible words.


Ripped away from each other by circumstances beyond their control. Reunited in a place they never expected. Separated but never quite apart.


“You’re still the only woman I see. The only woman I need. I know you’re in there somewhere, sweet Caroline. We’re going to find you and we’re going to help you, until you come home to me where you belong. Then we’re going to finish what we started. Together.”


Her confidence shattered, Caroline finally starts to deal with what happened at The Fed. Jack is determined to convince her that she’s more than she thinks she is. That she wasn’t destroyed by her experiences. That their relationship is worth the fight. But will he give up before it’s too late?
 



5 Dark thoughts, dark behaviours, dark desires Stars.

This is the fourth instalment in the Bellator Saga. I’ve been thinking for a while now how I’m going to write my review and to be honest. I have no efffing clue.

I don’t consider myself to be a very emotional person. It’s just not me. I can be eloquent if I want, I can be articulate but here I’m just going to be as real as I can. I’m a cost & effect kind of girl and this costed me nothing to read but it affected me in a profound way. This series always makes me think sometimes a bit too much.

If you don’t have a therapist on speed dial, like I do, thanks to this series then get on it stat before you start. Or maybe a support group. This series has taken a bit of my soul with each book that I have read.

I’m going to give some spoilers but to those of you that haven’t read the series it probably won’t make any sense at all. The ending of Sojourn was brutal, it was raw, it is gritty and it tore me to bits.

"My foolish heart is forever yours. Love, Monty."

Jack clutched the ring in his fist before tucking the chain back under his shirt. A tear rolled down his cheek as he silently cradled her head in his hands.

This book wasn’t that good for my sanity either and the ending. Just. Don’t. Ms. London. You. Are. Breaking. My. Heart. Here. But the positive is? It’s nice to know that the old chugger is still there.
Jack & Caroline are reunited after a year. Caroline made it to California, to Camp Pendleton. Jack is falling.

He was praying. For strength because his was fading. For peace for he would never find it. For hope because he had none left.

Until the unthinkable happened and that she was/is alive.

Caroline can’t make the distinction between what is reality and what is imaginary any more. She feels betrayed with how Jack interrogated her. Her coping mechanisms aren’t really working. She wants to get close to Jack but is scared shitless of what will happen if she lets someone in again. I have also never encountered that I myself have whiplash with how much I felt for Caroline but she wasn’t a cold bitch she was abso-fucking-lutely glacial bitch. Throughout the book she is an absolute brat.

Jack tries to be patient but it is hard. But not once did he give up believe me there were times but I can truly that if that isn’t love then I really don’t know what it is. Okay maybe obsession, devotion and an ingrained need to possess Caroline. But she twisted it into things that it wasn’t. Jack is my hero and every jab Caroline sent his way I felt for him every step of the way.

“You’re still the only woman I see. The only woman I need.”

“I love you,” he murmured. “Nothing will ever change that. You tuck that away and hold onto it whenever you need a reason to keep going.”

She needs help she keeps on lashing out and in a way it is her right to lash out. But there is only so much that everyone can take. She needs to grieve. We see the process of that as the book progresses and it truly is beautiful to read but equal amounts painful for all parties involved.

They were warring with themselves and with one another.

“I will never overcome who I used to be,” – Jack

“I will never live up to who he thinks I am.” – Caroline

Ms. London is an exceptional writer and she must have a right love/hate relationship with her fans. As she puts us through the wringer. I can name maybe a hand full of authors if that. That can cause me to feel devastated, heartbroken, hateful, spiteful, joy, happiness, hope and love all at the same time.

Hope as well as love is a fickle thing and I have that for both of them in the future.

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

Do people die? Well, yes. Did you expect anything else? No? Me either.

Oh that ending? Major cliffhanger. But I knew it so it is my own fault.

What hopes am I still carrying for book five?

That Chrissy is still alive. That her kids are still alive that that one thing hasn’t been taken from her what with everything else that was taken from her. That they can find the love they had for one another and to build on that love.

Would you write a novella about Jack and what he experienced when he left Caroline behind?